Research suggests that secrets concerning sexual behavior, extra relational thoughts, lies, and romantic desire are most often concealed from everybody. Pregnancy and abortions, on the other hand, are at the bottom of the total secrecy list. Yeah, we see that the secrets that people keep, the kinds of secrets that people keep and how they affect us leading to experiences of shame, guilt, isolation, inauthenticity.
Even if the secret itself isn’t harmful, the emotional toll of worrying about how others might react can worsen anxiety. This sense of dread can lead to sleepless nights, increased heart rates, and a lack of focus in daily life, all of which negatively affect your mental well-being. One of the most common side effects of keeping a secret is the anxiety of potentially being found out. This fear can create a cloud of unease that lingers in the back of your mind. Whether it’s the fear of disappointing others, being judged, or facing consequences, the worry about discovery can trigger stress responses. The practice of keeping secrets is deeply embedded in our human fabric, intertwined with our emotions, social interactions, and personal identities.
Securing personal boundaries
Instead, secrets take up space and time in our minds, grabbing our attention and keeping us from focusing on other things to look after. To understand why keeping secrets is sometimes burdensome and other times not at all, Slepian claims that we first need to understand what it means to keep something secret. So, if you’ve been hiding something for a long time, consider how important it is to who you are today, says Felder.
- In fact, I was on interview at Columbia for the position I have now.
- In these cases, secret-keeping becomes an act of kindness, a way of sparing others from potential harm or distress.
- But when secrets enter the picture, they can erode that foundation faster than a sandcastle at high tide.
- You feel exhausted and drained because you want to conceal these secrets.
- Research also shows that keeping secrets demands self-control.
Why do I get anxious over keeping a secret?
The stress of secret-keeping doesn’t just stay in our heads; it can manifest physically too. Increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and disrupted sleep patterns are just a few of the lovely parting gifts that chronic secret-keeping can bestow upon us. It’s like our bodies are throwing a tantrum because we won’t spill the beans.
The UK continues to have the highest rate of inflation in the G7. “A rate cut in November remains our base case, although the decision will be a close call and will depend on the data released over the next few months. The Bank and the government have an inflation target of 2%, much lower than the rate of 3.8%. Santander has said customers also have the option to close or switch their account without charge. A total of 956 out of 2,004 accounts on the market are paying above the inflation rate, the comparison site said. Less than half of savings accounts beat the 3.8% rate of inflation, meaning savers are more likely to be losing out on real returns, according to Moneyfacts.
Party Girl Psychology: Unveiling the Motivations and Behaviors Behind the…
- One reason is that secrets tend to concern unresolved issues, which our minds are designed by evolution to prioritize.
- The harm from keeping a secret about sexual infidelity is threefold.
- These hormones, while useful in small doses, can wreak havoc on our bodies and brains when present in high levels over long periods.
- If a secret is making you feel bad and you cannot stop thinking about it, it is usually good to do something about it.
Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Otterbein University and a practicing clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio. Research on confiding suggests that it is most often beneficial for both the secret keeper and the confidant. Indeed, confiding has elsewhere been shown to be an important coping mechanism against depression.
Money latest: Pub adds 4% service charge for pulling a pint
Topshop has teased its return to the high street in a new video posted on social media. A pub in London has raised eyebrows by adding a 4% service fee to all orders, even if you’re served at the bar. Some good news also came in an initial lift to sterling on the back of the inflation news.
Slepian argues context is an important factor in determining whether secrecy will be harmful to the secret keeper, or not. For example, I’m privy to a lot of confidential information as part of my job as department chair. But I don’t lie awake at night worrying about this because withholding this information what happens when you keep secrets from others is part of the job. Findings by psychologists and scientists alike seem to conclude that letting secrets out has benefits, but it also has costs. If the secret is a wonderful surprise, of course, let it out with abandon.
Today, we have everything you need to know about inflation rising to 3.8%, including potentially bad news for mortgages and train fares. And a London pub has started charging a 4% service charge for pulling a pint. Early research, Slepian notes, tried to create secrecy situations in the lab, but the results led to some confusion between secrecy and concealment, which are not one and the same. For one, you can inhibit speech and conceal information during conversation for reasons other than keeping a secret (e.g., politeness). Moreover, secrets often do not require active concealment, particularly if they are irrelevant to the topics or participants in the conversation.
What Kinds of Secrets Do People Keep?
It is our tendency to mind-wander to our secrets that seems most harmful to well-being. Simply thinking about a secret can make us feel inauthentic. Having a secret return to mind, time and time again, can be tiring. When we think of a secret, it can make us feel isolated and alone.
“I’m such a failure.” “They don’t really care about me.” “What if everything goes wrong? From our careers to our relationships, societal norms often dictate how we should behave. This is rooted in the idea of information asymmetry, the state in which one party in a transaction has more or better information than the other. It’s a concept often applied in economics and business, but it extends to our personal interactions as well.